January 10th, 2011

    Today is a complicated day filled with ups and downs, sudden events, and other strange events that do not happen around me. I lost an account that with everything in had, I couldn't schedule the time to ask questions about AP Calculus, I couldn't finish my calculus homework and in result I have a whole bunch of homework that I need to complete. A long and wordy blog post for a comparison of the movie we watched today and The Scarlet Letter, a poster that we have to do to explain the flow of the British governmental system, and so many questions for calculus that I have to work on with other calculus students. There are so many things that I have to do in a complete and orderly fashion and I can't even imagine how long this will continue. I'm also extremely troubled by the writing style that was assigned for us when we are supposed to write our journals. Activities are going on and I don't think it would be a very appropriate time to complain about how much stuff I have to do. Just doing it would be much better.

January 9th, 2011

    I really don't know what the hell is going on with me this semester. My grades are not as well as I expected and my GPA is really low. My average high school GPA has dropped after the GPA for the first semester of my senior year has been added. I really don't know if I could get into any college with the current grades I have right now. So many questions and so much doubt in my mind with nobody to respond to them.
    I was really depressed after I looked at my transcript. My grade for calculus complete ruined my chances of admission to some of my colleges and I lost my advantage as one of the top ranking students of the graduating class.
    Model United Nations is going pretty well for me thought. I got a chance to participatein the conference at Russia as a delegate in the Security Council. This is a very rare chance and I'm going to do my best at it. Basketball practice isn't going very well thought. I'm planning on leaving the team before the Chinese New Year break but I don't know how I should tell the team.

January 6th, 2011

    I feel kinda depressed today and I really don't really want to do anything. I've been thinking about the reasons why I feel so depressed and helpless these few day and I came up with an answer. My body is becoming really fatigued due to the little amounts of sleep I get each day. With such a week body, I can barely do anything and I'm losing most of abilities regarding basketball. I really need to rest more, but I also want to spend more time with her as well. I really don't like this struggle that is going on inside me. We are destined to be normal friends, but I'm willing to sacrifiece my time and health just to spend more time with her. This is a very complicated feeling that I have. I want to share how I feel with my friends but I really don't know who I should talk to. If this situation continues, I'm probably going to get so weak that I won't even be able to run. There are several basketball games and school events coming up and I really want to participate in them. I've got to get my body back to normal.

January 5th, 2011

    Today is a very plain day with nothing special. I finished all my finals and I am almost free. All I have to do now is send out the first semester reports to our colleges. I'm about to collapse and I really don't know how I'm supposed to face "her". This is a very serious problem because I might be in a life threatening situation. Today's basketball practice is also somewhat unmotivated, but I still got hurt anyway. I really need to train my body more and gain more weight.
    I think I like how things are going right now. Things meaning what is happening between me and her. I think I will just let our relationship stay this way, for the benefit of us both. Good night!

January 4th, 2011

    Today was a really strange day. A really depressing day as well. The AP Calculus final exam was so hard. There was a majority of questions that I did not understand and I think I messed up on the exam. I really don't know what my score will be for my first semester report card, but I do know that my scores won't be too good. I'm deeply worried about tomorrow's AP English exam because I'm not very confident in my writing and I don't think I can actually finish the essay in an hour.
    I don't like how things are going today and I don't want to talk at all. I feel as if I'm trapped in a deep cave without light, isolated from the world. Like I'm destine to be sealed in the cave forever and destined to fall deeper and deeper into the cave. As I'm falling deeper and deeper down, the more desperate I become in searching for hope. When I can't find any hope I can hold on to and when I can't find anyone to put my faith on, I feel as if tears are about to fall off my cheeks. This concealment seems eternal and it surely does feel eternal. This scenario is as if being stabbed in the heart but not being able to die. As if an eternal torture.

January 3rd, 2011

    Today is a really depressing day. Absolutely nothing is going well for me and I really don't like how things are going right now. I received the test scores for my final exam in AP Psychology, AP Comparative Government, and AP English. I didn't do as well as I expected on all three tests. The scores were acceptable, but they could have been higher if I was more careful during the test. I don't think my grades this semester will look too good. I wonder how much this will affect my college admission process. Somebody save me.
    The basketball team is facing some really serious problems. The weather is too cold and there is just no way we can play. Our bodies are frozen and we can barely move our fingers.
    The biggest problem I have now is my AP Calculus test tomorrow. I don't know how I am going to face up with that test and I think this test will ruin my GPA.

January 2nd, 2011

    This entry would be the first one for the new year and it is quite a coincidence that the we have a final exam the first day we get back to school. I really don't want to take a test the first day we get back to school, but I have no choice at all. The seniors must take the finals before or on Wednesday so that we can send our senior year transcripts to the universities that we have applied for. I only have to take finals for two more subjects, but those two subjects are the two hardest subjects that I have. I really have to work for this time's grades because I don't believe they will come easily. I'm really not good at math and I really don't know how well I will do on an AP exam. I just hope my mind is clear enough for the AP English test tomorrow.