December 30th, 2010

    It's strange for me to wake up this early during the holidays, especially after playing basketball for four hours. I woke up at seven this morning because of some nightmare, but I can't really recall what actually occurred in the dream. The only elements that I remember from the dream are death and loneliness. It was a dark dream, both in its context and its meaning. I know I'm troubled by something right now, but I don't believe that something so simple would shock me.
    Things aren't going very well for me today. I've been doing so many chores and I'm getting a little frustrated at my mom. I really don't like how she want to control every little detail about my life and I hate how she tries to exert her control.
    There are several other reasons that constituted my bad day. I'm not gaining any weight and it's almost the end of the holiday. My skin is also getting too dry and there are wounds all over my hands. I don't like how the day is going, I just want to go to bed.

December 29th, 2010

    I woke up today not knowing what was going to happen. It was as if the whole day was composed of surprises and unexpected events. I woke up at around 10:30 in the morning not knowing what I was supposed to do, so I did some calculus homework. It was not long before I realised that the basketball team was having practice at two in the after at UMC. It was a sudden call up but I made it to UMC at around 2:20 after eating a very quick lunch.
    I never knew playing basketball could be that interesting. It has been a long time since I shot three point shots. I really miss the feeling you get when you make them.
    I left UMC  at around six thirty and went to eat dinner with my family. I barely did anything after eating dinner. The day just ended like that without anything major happening.
    I really miss her though. She isn't online and she isn't picking up the phone. She is probably too tired and well asleep. Let me leave her some peace tonight.

December 28th, 2010

    Today was a pretty amazing day. Many things happened and there were many special memories that were created today. It was the first time we went out alone that didn't happen around school. We went out to the movies together and it was amazing. Interaction between us increased and the relationship between us seemed to change. I really don't know the actual status of our relationship, but I'm sure I really want to know.
    Things aren't going well though. We don't have much time together and I really want to spend more time with her. Even though I want to spend more time with her, it doesn't seem very possible at the moment. She is in the second semester of her junior year and she has to prepare for SATs and college application essays.
    Things in life never go as you want them to go.

December 27th, 2010

    Today was a really strange day. Things didn't go as well as planned but it didn't seem as if I missed out as much of today as I expected. The basketball team was supposed to practice at UMC this morning, but I overslept. Practice was supposed to start at nine but I slept until 10:30. I really wanted to go to today's practice session because the whole team was going as well as Mr. Rick and some alumni form PAS. Today's practice is a big event but I missed out on it. I kind of regret not waking up early enough, but that's just how life is. Things just don't go as they want you to go, but life seems to compensate you in some strange way.
    I also went to Costco today, which was a very pleasant experience. My family spent 8200 NT on food, beverages, fruits, drinks, and laundry detergent. It was a really happy period of time that I spent with my family. Looking back at this past semester, I figured I haven't spent much time with my family. Maybe that's what I should focus on now, before I go to college.

December 26th, 2010

    It's the alumni party today and I'm not very certain about what will happen today. I woke up like nothing was going to happen today and got ready for the alumni party in a hurry. I arrived at the location and I was a few people there. More and more PAS alumni arrived and talking started up everywhere. There were so many faces that I haven't seen for so long. I was really happy to see these people come back. The alumni shared their experiences in college and I had a better understanding of how college life.
    Nothing else really happened today. Well, I was deeply bothered by one thing. The essay that we were supposed to write for our winter holiday. I wrote until two o'clock in the morning before I went to bed. It was a really brain consuming essay.

December 23th, 2010

    Today is a very wonderful day. Well, a somewhat wonderful one at least. I got my TOEFL scores today, I bought a really nice novel, I played basketball with a whole bunch of people, and I went to lunch with so many people that were once in our school. We gathered up at UMC this morning to play basketball and to improve basketball skills. We also met up to socialize and talk about how college life worked. Albert, Ching, Wilson, Alex, Eugene, Jolio, and Young were all alumni that I met today. I'm really glad that I met these people today because I got a better understanding of how college life is and I'm getting more anxious about going to college.
    Cleaning was the other big part of my day today. We were cleaning our old bookshelves today and I was so tired that I can barely move my hands now. Moving whole stacks of books around a house isn't a very easy task and it is energy consuming. I really want to go to bed and get a good night sleep, but I still have somebody I'm waiting for online.

December 22th, 2010

    It was a really tiring day today. I had to do cleaning until eleven o'clock at night. Even though there wasn't much to clean, it still took me a long time because it was all stuff from the past that I didn't want to throw away. Those were objects that contained my childhood memories, memories that I didn't to throw away. Even though I wanted to keep these memories, they had to go. There was no longer enough room in the house to keep these old objects because more and more documents and papers had to be preserves for future reference. There is a really amazing feeling when it comes to viewing old objects that one once possessed. You feel as if you are living your life again and you feel a sensation that is hard to explain to other people. I just love going through old stuff and living through my life again.
    Tomorrow is going to be a really busy day because I have so many activities that I have to do. I have to play basketball in the morning, eat lunch with a whole bunch of friends, clean the house in the afternoon, type an essay at night, and try keep in touch with her throughout the whole day. I just hope I can make it.

December 21th, 2010

    Today is another day for cleaning the house. I woke up early today for some really odd reason. Somebody called me on my cellphone and started speaking some odd language to me. I couldn't go back to sleep after picking up the phone, it was a really strange call. Strange things happen these days. Cleaning today went really smoothly and we got the job done at around 7:10. Even though it took us less time than the day we cleaned before, today seemed to be more tiring as well.
    I really don't like how things are going on these days. Our relationship seems to be stuck and I have a feeling that she is trying to avoid me in any way she can. I really don't know how our relationship will continue but I believe that we should just let it go naturally.
    To be honest, I'm just really worried about January, when she comes back.

December 20th, 2010

    I had to go to Taipei today because I have to understand how I should apply for an Australian universities and I also need to understand the requirements in order for me enroll in one of the Australian universities. After the meeting with the counselor, I noted that there were great difference between the Common Wealth educational system and the American system. If I want to enroll in an Australian university, I would have to go through another application process and I don't want to think about that at all. I also went to send out some score reports for my IELTS testing. It was a long process because we had to fill large amounts of forms in order to send out the score reports.

December 19th, 2010

    Today was a really rough day. I woke up at ten and I went to bed at four in the morning. It's almost time for Chinese New Year and we don't have much time to clean the house after Christmas break, so my mom decided that we would spend the Christmas break cleaning the house. It was really tiring. We started the whole process with cleaning bed rooms, sorting out our clothes, and cleaning the bathrooms. That was what we did for the whole day. We cleaned floor, the shelves, and we also threw away all the old stuff that we no longer need. It was really tiring.
    I don't like cleaning but there is nothing I can do about it. If I don't clean, my mom will probably kick me out of the house. My thoughts aren't being processed very well at the moment. I think I'll just leave it here for today. I got a big day tomorrow so I better go get some sleep.

December 16th, 2010

    This Thursday was an amazing day. The dance was really nice and the people who participated in the dance encouraged the formation of a very nice atmosphere. I was really impressed by the works of the artists who decorated the dance floor and the resting area. Those were really elaborate decorations and they were very nicely done. I had a good time today, but a lonely one as well. The one person that mattered to me the most didn't go to the dance and I had a really lonely night.
    I really don't know how I survived through all the college application processes and I am really depressed at how little time I have left in Taiwan. I know two things for sure though, I must cherish every moment I have with her and I can't always be the one the get help and support from her. It is now my turn to support her and help her out. Baring these thoughts in mind, I really couldn't enjoy the night as much as I thought I would. I miss her and all I want is to stay with her.

December 15th, 2010

    I finally have the time to type up a journal entry. I've sent out all of my online applications and I only have one envelope left that I have to send. I'm almost done with my college application but I can't feel any joy or happiness. I feel as if I could die any moment right now. Why is it that it's always those that are most important to you or those that are closest to you that harm you? I really can't find reasons to continue this pattern. I want to end this once and for all. I want to change who I am. I can no longer keep her in my heart. Everything ends right now.
    I have no answers to the questions I have in mind. I wonder why life is as it is. I wonder why I can't leave this infinite cycle of pain. How come I'm always dragged into a situation I can't leave? Why is life so difficult? I need to change myself before it is too late. I need this change before I go insane from this everlasting pain. I want an end and I need a conclusion.

December 14th, 2010

    The second day of the basketball tournament with two games to be played today. I've never had a chance to play two games on the same day in my life. It is something that I am eager to experience. People grow through experiencing new things and I really take this chance for granted. After all, there are not many chances in which we can participate in two official games on the same day.
    The first game was a really rough one. We only won by one point and the leading team was always caught up by the losing team. We were so happy that we were able to make it to the last second and win the game. I learned never to give up and watch out for personal fouls in that game. I got fouled out in 4 minutes by the first quarter in that game, which is really quick. We lost the second game, but that game taught us to work harder and become more devoted in playing basketball. I will learn from this game and become stronger.
    I spent a good night at school with her and things were alright. I'm a little worried about the college application deadlines. It's tomorrow.
   

December 13th, 2010

    Heat, pressure, fatigue, and pain. These are the only words that I can use to describe my day. Today is the first day of the Hsinchu City High School Basketball tournament and it was easy to tell that we were all nervous before the game started. We had to face up with our neighbor again, but the results of the game were not as good as we had expected. The difference between the two teams has again increased.
    The game wasn't the only thing that bothered me today, I also had an AP Psychology final in the afternoon and I had to do college application essays. It's really hard to focus under these extreme conditions. I got two essays finalized today and the test was pretty easy for me.
    We had to stay at school today for the Christmas rehearsals, so I spent more time with her and it went on to be a very pleasant night. I came home exhausted and I'm planning to go to bad real early today.

December 12th, 2010

    I'm quite nervous about the tournament tomorrow. We are about to play against our neighbors again and I hope our performance on the basketball court can improve. I just hope that the basketball tournament doesn't affect my progress for college application and I hope that I have enough time to study for my finals after the first game. I have a AP Psychology final right after the game tomorrow and I don't know if I have enough time to study for it. I also have both a final for AP European History and a final for AP Comparative Government on Wednesday.
   Time is pressuring us to finish our college application process. The seniors only have three days left starting from tomorrow. Out of the three days left, I have to spend half the time playing basketball and I really don't know if I can finish the applications on time.
    I'm a little nervous about the game tomorrow but I think we will do fine. Let's just hope we are well prepared and let us hope that we can play fluently.

December 9th, 2010

    It was a very exciting day today and we did better in our basketball game. We has a score difference of 54 points in our last game against them but we were able to shorten the gap between us. We successfully decreased the gap between the two teams to 32 to points. It was a really good game and most of us played really well when we were on court. We are doing really well in terms of progress and aggression, but we still need to work a little harder on skills and endurance.
    Even though the whole team did really well today, I'm still quite upset with my own performance on the basketball court. I made several mistakes and I was running out of both energy and time to think properly.
    Some words to Karen: Thank you very much for going out with me for dinner. Hope we have more time together.

December 8th, 2010

    We're halfway through the week and we haven't gotten anything done. Miss Pamela didn't come today and we don't have any time left for our college applications. I really doubt that we would finish everything before the 15th of December. Difficulties we face in life are really tough and we don't seem to be able to pass through this one safely. We're losing all our time with Miss Pamela and she can't make it on Friday. She has to go to the school faculty party on Friday and none of us will have time to consult our college application with her. I really wonder if we will ever finish our college applications on time.
    Life is not easy and my body is being consumed very quickly. I'm sore all over my body and I don't know what I can do about it. It has been like this since sports day. I really don't know if I can play the basketball games in the upcoming days and I really wonder if I have enough energy to finish the college applications.

December 7th, 2010

    This is the last week that for me to do my college applications. I'm out of time. Out of the twelve schools that I have, I have only sent out two online applications with the SAT scores that were supposed to be sent a long time ago. I really wonder if I can finish all my applications on time. I really don't know what will happen for me in the future and I sincerely hope that I get admitted into a university in the United States. Nothing else except for finals, basketball, college application envelopes, essays, and her.
    I'm really worried about my first semester grades and I'm very worried about the finals that are going to occur before and after the Christmas break. The dates for the finals before the Christmas break are not yet set in stone and I'm really worried that I will mess up on these finals because I won't have sufficient time to study for them.
    Give me the strength and will to survive through these last few days. I want to get admitted into the colleges I am applying for and I really want to do well in all events of the first semester.

December 6th, 2010

    I'm lost. I know what I'm supposed to do but I'm reluctant to do it because I don't want to spend a second less with her. I don't know what I'm doing and I have no idea what I actually want. I hate being confused and I hate uncertainties. I can never focus when there are uncertain things that are bothering my mind. I have to play basketball games this week and next week, I have to finish four finals by this Friday, I have TOEFL this Saturday, and I have to finish all of my collage application essays by this end of this week. There's just so much stuff that I have to do and I really don't know whether I can finish all of these things.
    My body is really exhausted from sports day and I can't even walk properly right now. I wonder how we are going to play the upcoming basketball games and I wonder if I can actually finish all my college applications processes. I can't fail any of the finals if I want to get into a good university so I have to study really hard for them. I hope everything works out well.

December 5th, 2010

    I'm so exhausted and I'm so tired. I have so many bruises and it really is hurting like hell. I liked how sports day this year went, but I didn't put too much attention on the event. There were too many distractions that were around me. It was a pretty interesting day.
    I took the IELTS on Saturday and I'm slightly worried about the score I will receive, but I think the test went pretty smoothly. There are so many tests that I have to take in the upcoming days. I have to take the finals for all of my classes and I have to take the TOEFL next Saturday. There is just so much that is going on right now.
    The day went well until just now. I'm a little upset at how things are happening. I just hope this doesn't destroy the whole basketball team.

December 2nd, 2010

    It's the second day that Miss Pamela didn't come to school and I'm getting to the peak of anxiety. We only have six days left before we are supposed to send out all of our college application forms. I don't believe we will make it on time and I really hope Miss Pamela gets better. Nothings else more except for basketball, girls, and college application or else I would really mess up my life. Somebody gave me a link that really shocked me and I would like to share this link with everybody who is obsessed with computer games.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150308316350456&oid=171185796234000&comments

    Don't ever regret any decision you make and don't ever waste your life on something that is unrealistic. Fight for what you want and fight to keep what you have.

December 1st, 2010

    My progress on the college application process is still very slow and I don't think I can keep up with the pace Miss Pamela is going at. I have to work harder and cut off all other activities for the next two weeks. I have to focus on my essays, my envelope, and my online application now. There can't be anything that can take off my attention. I must work for my future and I must get into a good college. There are things I have to pay off and this is the only way.

    Disappointment and shame. It's been four years since we first played them and we have just lost to them again. I must work harder and I must let them pay for what they did today. This is not going to just end like this.